it must have been the mistletoe
by bonkaiqueen
Summary: Being close to him is like being surrounded by a circle of fire. It's beautiful, but one step too close and it'll be the worst decision you ever make. Bonkai. One-shot.


"So, great turnout, Care," Bonnie says flatly when the blonde joins her at the table, cheeks flushed and golden hair peeking out of the red Santa hat on her head. "I mean...how many people did you invite? There's obviously Elena, Stefan, Tyler, the whole gang. Oh, hey, the twins - Liv, Luke. Even that snobby bitch, Mary Louise."

"What are you talking about?" Caroline asks slowly.

"I think I saw Anna, too. You know...Jeremy's ex?" She laughs dryly. "Speaking of exes, you know who else is here? Kai."

"Oh, my god." Caroline goes from confused to horrified in two seconds flat. "I forgot to tell you."

Bonnie glares at her. "Why the hell is he even here? This is like girl code or something!"

"It's only because he was Stefan's friend first. Before you two..." She trails off apologetically. "You know."

"And you were my best friend for 16 years before we even knew Stefan, so I'm sorry that whatever happened between me and Kai was such an inconvenience for you both," Bonnie repeats coolly.

"I'm really sorry, Bon," Caroline sighs. Look, I can tell him to stay in the kitchen or leave or something."

"No," she says, fidgeting nervously. "That would be rude. Just - I think I'm going to go to bed. I'm not even close to the level of drunk I have to be for this. Save me some pie?"

"You can't just keep going like this." Caroline watches Bonnie carefully. "You have been running on steam since May and I'm scared that one day you won't be able to anymore. You both," she shakes her head, "are going to have to acknowledge what happens sooner or later. I just think sooner is better," she adds.

Bonnie just looks at her.

"Kai - he made you happy," Caroline says simply. "Everyone saw it. And yeah, he screwed up - but doesn't? He's only human." Bonnie opens her mouth to protest but, Caroline stops her. "I'm not siding with him. I'm just saying...you holding this against him doesn't help anyone."

"He hurt me."

"I know."

"So much."

"I know."

"But I miss him even more."

Bonnie doesn't even hear the third "I know" because suddenly there is a lump in her throat and static in her ears, and then Caroline is pulling her in. "Just get closure, Bon," she whispers. "For me." They break apart. "I miss the Bonnie that made lame jokes and hung out with me and Elena and never gave up. On anything. So if you have to talk to Kai for that to happen - if that'll mean me getting my best friend back - I will even lock you in a closet with him." She pokes the brunette playfully. "Don't think I won't do it."

"I'll sleep on it," Bonnie says finally, wiping her cheeks.

"Good!" Caroline smiles. "Are you sure you don't want to come down with me?"

"Nah, I'll just grab some food and binge watch Mr. Robot."

"Okay. Merry Christmas!"

"Merry Christmas, Caroline."

:::

Bonnie's thoughts consume her as she walks downstairs. _Yeah, he screwed up, but who doesn't? He's only human._ Everyone will be here tomorrow, and the day after that, and after that, but there is a small bubble of anxiety in her. Like if she doesn't say goodbye, she'll never get the chance. Which is stupid. But she's always been like that, wishing on stars and candles and eyelashes. Hoping for miracles, playing pretend - even when she was old enough to know people were lying to her.

She shakes her head and stops. _If the next person who walks in front of me is a guy, I will talk to him._ She shuts her eyes, then opens them again.

"Bonnie? Are you okay?" Elena's voice says.

Bonnie forces a smile. "Yeah, fine. Just not feeling too festive right now."

"Is this about Kai?" Elena takes a sip of her eggnog and wipes her mouth with the back of her head. "Because that encounter is inevitable. Sooner is better than later."

"That's what Caroline told me."

"Here's a tip: get drunk," her best friend tells her, giggling. "Drunk makes it so, so easy. He's already there." She gestures halfheartedly behind her.

Bonnie wants to say, _So are you_ , but then she realizes what Elena is telling her - and it's not her fault that her eyes just sort of wander behind Elena's shoulder - and she sees Kai with Stefan and Katherine. He leans back, laughing, and throws an arm around the latter. A hot flash of jealousy hits Bonnie so hard she can barely even stand to breathe. He is still breathtaking - it's surprising, for a reason she can't truly fathom: she had twisted him, so that in her mind, he was as ugly as his actions.

 _"We're connected, you know?_ " he had told her once. _"We were brought together by something bigger than fate."_ That was March, only two months before everything went to crap. But how could she have known?

 _"You mean Stefan Salvatore?"_ She had joked then, but now. Now she feels it. She blinks and then - like something is pulling on their heartstrings (or just their heads) Kai turns and catches her eye.

Bonnie immediately drops her head and turns around. "I think I'm gonna go to bed now, 'Lena."

"Okay...Merry Christmas!" Elena calls after her, but it sounds more like a question than it does an exclamation. Bonnie all but runs to the kitchen, where she busies herself, filling up a plate with pie and fruit. After making sure she has everything she needs for a long night of watching shows and trying not to think about the one thing she won't be able to stop thinking about, she spins around and walks straight into Kai's chest.

A small "oh" escapes her mouth. He is looking at her, smiling languidly, like he has amnesia. Like the last six months never happened. Like today is his birthday all over again and she never catches him with -

"Hi, Bon," his all too familiar voice says, and the nostalgia that hits her almost _hurts_. She whispers his name in reply and tilts her head down, avoiding his gaze, but then she sees his feet and - "Bon, I can't find my favorite shoes, help!" It's very disturbing that even his feet trigger her, and she can't think about his feet anymore, so she looks up and _shit, no._

"You look nice," he says, leaning in. Bonnie flashes back to another night, another compliment. _"That dress looks amazing, but it would look so much better on the floor."_

She pulls back. "What are you doing?"

"I'm telling you that you look pretty," Kai breathes. "Your hair, it's different. Curly."

"Yeah, well, I've changed since we last talked," she says curtly.

"I know; so have I," he laughs. "I'm better now."

"Get out of my way, Kai."

"Can't you see that I'm trying to apologize?"

"You're drunk."

"That doesn't mean anything," he says lowly, bringing his hands up to cup her face. His eyes, the color of the sky right before it rains, pierce into hers, and she realizes that she is holding her breath. "Doesn't mean I don't want you still."

Bonnie jerks away from his touch. _"Move."_

"I can't." A slow smile spreads across his face. He raises a finger, pointing above them, where a familiar, leafy plant hang from the ceiling. Mistletoe. Bonnie doesn't want to turn around, but the hushed whispers coming from the living room confirm her suspicions.

"I'm going to kill her," she says through clenched teeth, "and then bring her back so I can kill her again."

"It wasn't just Caroline. I think they're all in on it," he confesses.

"Just move, and we can forget about this, okay?" she says in dismay. Her hands hover in the air, not sure where to move. Should she push past him or just turn around and run?

"I can't," he repeats, voice cracking. "I can't forget about you, Bonnie. I'm sorry - I never said it. I'm so sorry. I screwed this up. But I need you to forgive me. I need you to give me one more chance."

Silence. He leans in, breath hot on her cheek, and her eyes involuntarily flutter shut. Being close to him is like being surrounded by a circle of fire. It's beautiful, but one step too close and it'll be the worst decision you ever make. The worst thing is you know you'll do it again, and then...well. Then you burn.

 _"Bonnie! Wait, please, just - Bon, stop, it's not - I didn't - I can explain!"_

 _"Can you?"_

 _Silence._

 _"That's what I thought."_

Her eyes open, and without even realizing what she is doing, her hand moves fluidly through the air until it hits. The sound resonates in her ears, and she steps back in shock, staring at his marked face. "I - I didn't mean to do that."

"I deserved it."

"You did." She fixes a steely gaze on him. "You did screw up. You were a coward; you left me alone, made me feel like shit. I never thought you'd hurt me, but I was wrong. You hurt me the most. So yeah, you deserve that and so much more. You can't honestly think that I'll fall right into your arms after six months. I'm not that girl anymore."

"You were never that girl," Kai says hoarsely. "Or have you forgotten? It's not like it was love at first sight."

"It doesn't _matter_ anymore," Bonnie emphasizes, lips trembling. "We're still over, this - " she gestures frantically at the mistletoe - "doesn't change anything."

"Just know that I'm sorry."

There it was: the final moment of closure that Bonnie had been waiting for since spring. And now she understood that forgiving and forgetting was in her best interest. To move on, to find someone new. "I do."

Kai nods, and then says, "One last time. For tradition's sake." She furrows her brow, before realizing. And she could stop him, she could back away, she could say no - but she doesn't. He hesitates, then presses his mouth to hers fiercely. She can taste the desperation, the guilt, the want - and it scares her. They, together, have enough energy in them both to rule the world. But sometimes all a girl wants is to be normal.

Bonnie breaks away. His eyes are still closed, but his fingers are pressed against his mouth, and she has a feeling that he is experiencing that same electricity. She wants to cry, she wants to hold him, she wants to laugh hysterically, she wants to be nothing but ash and dust, floating in the wind. But she is just a girl. So she smiles. She waits for his eyes to open. She says goodbye.

And it's good. It's good.

* * *

A/N: Title: _It Must Have Been the Mistletoe, Barbra Streisand_

Yay for holiday one-shots :) This took the entire month of December to write - lots of writer's block and family reunions getting in the way, but it's finally done! It was supposed to be posted yesterday, but :/

This was supposed to be a light, fluffy drabble with drunk Kai trying to make out with Bonnie, but it's never really light with these two, is it? So anyway I tried leaving an open ending, because I did not want Bonnie to immediately go back to someone who cheated on her, but they are obviously meant for each other so...maybe they can both get over what happened and find a way back to each other, if that makes sense? Also about Kai cheating on Bonnie: I kept it very vague, so you can use your own imagination about who it was with, why he would do it, etc.

Dedicated to Nic (bonkaidaydreams on Tumblr). Love you, and sorry for the really long author's note.

Happy holidays, everyone!

-Nina


End file.
